BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Alive.
So much puke
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
