Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
