that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
