just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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