No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
