Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
