rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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