You made me cry and you don't even care
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
