You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
