also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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