i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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