How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
