I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize