I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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