dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just want nice things and good sex
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
