I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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