Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize