she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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