Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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