Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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