Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
