we have officially lost it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
