I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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