Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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