becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
