Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
