I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
