We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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