you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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