I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
