Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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