Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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