the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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