well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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