haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
