This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
