I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dicks are not precious.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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