oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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