in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
