Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
