She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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