i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
