So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
