it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i believe in u and ur pee
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
