hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
