Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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