Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
