Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
