yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
