Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You may now shotgun with the bride
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
