You smell like a Billy Joel song
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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