after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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