Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize