Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
