i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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