p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize