The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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