it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
