I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
