And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
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