I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
