You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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