i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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