im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
