I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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