my room smells like sperm. sweet.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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