I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
