I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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