we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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