Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
