there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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