she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
