do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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