I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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