By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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