i may or may not be watching the land before time
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
